i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize