I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
