is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
