After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
