Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
