i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
