I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize