I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
