I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
