I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
