She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
