I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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