Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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