the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
