We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
