Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
