what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
