Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
