You smell like stripper and shame
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
