her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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