Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
