What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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