what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think my mom watched the whole time
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
