I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i out mim tonsoeep
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