I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
