I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize