Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
