So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
