In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
