so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
