My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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