Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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