My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I cut my penus on the lid.
is wine microwaveable?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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