she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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