Fine. I'll sleep in my office
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this just has baby written all over it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize