If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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