..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
