We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
