I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
