God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just forgot I was standing up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
