if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
