i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
