Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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