Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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