I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
