Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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