it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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