how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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