Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
