The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize