You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize