Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
