i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
