how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
