I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
