he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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