i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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