I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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