I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
