Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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