I faked an abortion last night.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize