if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
