U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize