I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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