LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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