party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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