I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
