The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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