At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
