i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
