So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
