she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
