A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
