i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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