There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
