My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i will never coherently bang her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
