It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
