During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
