I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
