Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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