I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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