Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
