She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
