and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
