No stitches, just platelets and will power
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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