He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize