When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
