I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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