Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize