he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
