after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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