i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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