sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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