who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
