You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
