I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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