Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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