My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
