I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
