For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
