I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
